Month: October 2013

Ah well

So out of pure boredom, I deleted the previous blog that lasted me a few months (Sorry about that, old blog) because that blog was, well…

Dead.

And then out of no particular reason, I decided to create this blog, which will probably end up like the previous blogs too ah what the heck…

The last time I updated (in the old blog), it was still 2012 and I was still in Changi Air Base. Now it’s already freaking October-coming-to-November 2013 and I’m have assumed the title of a smugger. Haha, fuck you. I hate that term. That’s the most ridiculously stupid sounding thing a person can call himself (in my humble opinion, don’t be offended). While I can’t stand closet muggers (Full of shit), I never really got the point of “glorifying” mugging. Is it really something to be proud of? Yeah I get it, you’re hardworking, you strive for excellence (or recognition?), but seriously enough already lar…

Anyway, I’m pretty much still me. I kinda have toned down my eccentric personality from JC and secondary school but I think there’s always that part of me that’s thinking weird thoughts and secretly coming up with funny ways to bitch about people. (That’s the BEST form of entertainment, by the way. Much better than movies)

You know, I am super uncertain about what I want to be in the future, but I kinda try not to think about that and focus on completing my work and assignments instead. But of course, everyone is telling me that it’s important to think about what you want in life so I’m bugged by that question everyday…

I mean, a part of the process of growing up (Have I really grown up? hmm…) made me realise that life is hard. Call me pessimistic, but I really feel that that’s the case in Singapore. I’m constantly reminded about the importance of being, you know, the best (by my dad) and I just feel so numb towards it all. It feels as though living in Singapore is all about high paying jobs, prestige, spawning little bastards known as children, and then making your kids go through what you went through….Endless cycle

Look, if being a top banker/doctor/investor/accountant is your idea of a fulfilling life and that’s something you’re really passionate about, then I am in no capacity to judge you.

But come on, when I was young I wanted to be a

a) Film-maker (Parents nearly flipped)

b) Architect (Excessive mugging has destroyed my artistic talent. Not that I had much to begin with, but you get my point la!!!)

c) Teacher (You can see how the career options are becoming less ambitious and more realistic. But even this also cannot leh. My dad said pay not good wtf)

Well, I guess it’s just about getting a good paying job lor.

But even so, I have to admit I’m not exactly the most aggressive person around. I can’t handle stress, although I have to admit that I’m coping pretty well in SMU. But I’m so eng now (CCA is fucking non existent), if I still do badly in studies despite all the time I have now to focus on my academics, something is wrong right???

Probably will join another CCA but nothing seems to really interest me (Even in life, to be honest).

I can’t really fit in, and I am totally aware of the fact that it’s my own fault. I’m not going to say “Oh, SMU students are too enthu, they only care about resumes and being sporty, they are in 101 CCAs” as though it is a bad thing. Why is it a bad thing? If this is the way they want things to be, then seriously, good for them.

But I just don’t care. I tell you, if you were to ask me to list one of my strengths, the top of the list is definitely “minding my own business”. Ok, maybe that’s not really a strength but honestly I’m SUPER good at doing this. I won’t judge you for what you do, as long as you let me mind my own business. I mean even though I think SMUgger sounds kinda dumb, I honestly don’t care la aiya wtf

It’s hard for me to talk to people. Maybe it’s because of the increased self-consciousness over the years and the realization that I’ve been acting like an ass in front of many people in the past, but honestly, it’s hard for me to start a convo without it end up being awkward/weird/offensive. Maybe that’s why I keep to myself these days. (According to MBTI, I’m 89% introverted. No wonder I feel like murdering babies when I’m in crowded places. That’s right, I become psycho heheheh)

Well anyway, I like my project group mates so that’s a plus.

I should be sleeping now. I have STATS class at 0815 later. Mindfuck lesson + Early morning lessons = Recipe for disaster. Remind me never to bid for morning classes again (Or at least for math-related subjects). I NEED to sleep.